


and it's driving me wild

by crackers4jenn



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: First Time Blow Jobs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 14:21:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7364932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crackers4jenn/pseuds/crackers4jenn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, maybe Rhett's had better ideas before.</p><p>(AKA, length vs. breadth and the definitive results thereof.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	and it's driving me wild

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Rhett/Link fic. I watched GMM very sanely for at least 2 years, thinking nothing but tender 'LOOK AT THESE PLATONIC LIFEMATES!' thoughts, then, bam. Season 9. The season of Rhink. I have not seen past the gay since.

So, maybe Rhett's had better ideas before.

"Dude, I'm not gonna--" Link gets distracted from his protest when Crash Bandicoot, by Rhett's doings, jumps onscreen-- "Get the crystal, get the crystal."

Rhett knows he's got that look of concentration that means his tongue's probably peeking out of the side of his mouth. Half of his attention is on the video game, the other half rolling over his proposition to Link. 

For a few minutes Link watches Rhett play. Well, dominate. They've had the game for barely a week and already he can feel himself becoming one with it, a union that is both spiritual and badass.

"So?" Rhett prompts after a while. His whole body twists in his effort to send Crash whirlwinding over the bad guys, even though it's just his fingers doing the work.

Link sits all the way back against the couch. As he goes, his knee knocks into Rhett's and stays there. A Coke can at their feet also gets kicked. That stays there too.

After the world's longest buildup, Link answers, "I'm trying to tell how serious you are right now." 

Rhett risks glancing away from the TV to give Link his most serious face. Basically, his eyes flare super big, bugging out bigger than they already normally do. Link snorts in amusement and Rhett says, "One-hundred percent, not joking."

The idea had actually been Tim's, and the story of that is embarrassing as just about anything, but basically, supply two underage, recently-welcomed-into-adulthood men with a bounty of illegal beverages, and inhibitions? Become imaginary things. Tim had walked in on Rhett emptying his bladder for the half-dozenth time that fateful night and instead of being embarrassed about it as two men ought to be, the encounter ended in an actual dick measuring contest. With a ruler. Because why the heck not.

Later, after yet more beer, Gregg had joined them, and because Rhett was soaring with the knowledge that his penis was bigger than Tim's, it made perfect sense to challenge Gregg to see how he measured up.

Rhett won that round too.

So now his reputation is on the line; Link had missed out on the drinking, and the hangover, having nerded out at the library that evening preparing for an upcoming exam.

Really, the only reason he's challenging Link is that it's a matter of house pride at this point. A man's gotta earn his bragging rights.

"For real, you guys really..." Link trails off, and from the way he stares straight ahead like Rhett's Crash Bandicoot skills are the most awesome thing ever, it's a dead giveaway he's embarrassed.

Rhett laughs out his nose, at Link but affectionate. "It's not as weird as it sounds, man, I promise."

"Sure, just guys comparin' private parts." Link's mouth pulls to the side, his face's way of conveying sarcasm.

"Just say penis, dude."

"'Just says penis, dude'," Link imitates him, low and dumb-sounding.

Rhett shoulders him in the side. In the video game, Crash Bandicoot skids and takes a blow.

Rubbing his arm, Link says, "I don't see what the big deal is. Yours is bigger. So what."

It's pure, red-blooded instinct that has him grinning wolfishly -- mostly at the TV, because he's almost at the end of the level and he's practically dead. "Oh-ho. You think I'm bigger?"

Link rolls his eyes. Rhett doesn't see it happen, but you know a guy as long as him and Link have known each other, and some things just become intuition.

"You been bigger since the second grade, doofus."

Rhett can't help flash Link another grin, only it's way more suggestive and braggy than the first.

Link's the one who pushes him this time, hard, his fingers digging into Rhett's bicep. "Why you gotta be so gross all the time?"

"Hey, you're the one who said it," Rhett logics.

"This is the most depraved conversation of our _lives_ ," Link says, with a mournfulness that almost implies he means it.

Rhett huffs. His eyes are still primarily on the TV screen. He's so freaking close to the end. Not that he hasn't beat this level sixteen different times at this point, never mind the entire game itself, but principles, people. "Man, first time you ever humped your freakin' bed, first time you ever _came_ , you told me about it--"

Link's foot flies out and whacks Rhett in the shin. " _Dude._ Seriously?"

Laughing as much as he's wincing, Rhett rubs at the sore spot one-handed, bending down at an awkward angle so he doesn't have to pause the game. "Freaking jerk," he accuses lightly.

"Don't be so crass."

"Don't be so prudish."

For a solid two minutes Link stews in silence. He folds his arms across his chest, hunkers down into the cushions with all his weight, and emotes. His legs are still sprawled open from his rogue foot attack, the left one jittering anxiously.

"Fine," he says. "Let's do it." It bursts out of him like he's gonna try and take it back a second later.

Rhett glances over. "Seriously?"

Link shrugs silently, mulishly.

This is worth finally pausing the game for. When Rhett re-angles himself so he's facing Link, Link seems to get knocked with an actual force of doubt. He doesn't vocalize it, but it's there in his body language, especially in how thickly he swallows; Link's got the biggest Adam's apple Rhett's ever seen before, and right now it bobs like it's gone fishing.

Growing bolder, or at least pretending to be, Link says, "How do you wanna do it? Right here?" 

That's a good question. That's a great question, actually. Rhett's brain sort of jams on itself in lieu of an answer.

Link asks, "How'd you and the guys do it before? I mean, did you just--whip 'em out?" 

Link's face screwing into a grimace makes Rhett let out a small chuckle.

"It's not a garden hose, man."

"I know that," Link retorts heatedly, and then comes right back with, "Says you," like that's an actual insult, like that's his smack talk.

Rhett's eyebrows practically introduce themselves to his hairline, that's how high up they go. "Wow, Neal."

"Just--shut up and show me your wiener."

Laughter snorts its way out of him. He doubles over with amusement, pretty much falling into Link in the process. Link's laughing too as he props Rhett up, pushing him back into his own space.

"You just said--" Rhett laughs again, repeating in a high-pitched voice because he's laughing so hard, "--'show me your wiener'." He curls in on himself, giving in to the laugh attack.

"Well," Link says impatiently. He's smiling -- no shit he's smiling, he knows he's hilarious -- but he's trying to play it off like he's too cool to acknowledge that. "We gonna, or what?"

"Yeah, just. Hold up. Whew. Okay."

"It wasn't that funny."

"You said 'wiener,' dude."

"And? Whip it out. Unless you're stalling 'cause you know mine's bigger."

That does what it was intended to -- Rhett grows pretty serious, pretty fast, fingers flying to his zipper to prove he's gonna do just that. Link's eyes follow his hand movement and grow wide the first hint of finger-on-jeans contact -- then he looks up, catches Rhett staring, and schools his face into one of forced indifference, like Rhett might as well be playing guitar right now, that's how normal this all is.

Rhett feels himself pause, actually feels the moment time suspends and halts to a stop, and then he thinks 'fuck it' with perfect clarity and unzips his jeans. 

That's as far as he gets. Just the unzip. His boxers underneath are barely revealed by it, and not just because his t-shirt's so long it practically pools into another t-shirt in his lap.

Awkwardly, he nods towards Link. "Your turn."

Link's holding eye contact real intently like he keeps waiting for balloons to fall from the ceiling and Tim and Gregg to jump out and yell, "JOKE'S ON YOU, YA FREAK!"

Finally he swallows -- Rhett's eyes automatically follow Link's Adam's apple -- and then he just does it. Way more hurried, as if he's trying not to chicken out halfway through or overthink it, he pulls his zipper down, and then he keeps going. He stands in a rush and shimmies until his pants are halfway down around his knees, and then he's dropping right back down onto the couch, so fast he bangs his bare knee into Rhett's clothed one.

He gives Rhett a look. An I-dare-you communicated via eye-flare.

Well.

Rhett channels all the weird energy in the room into adrenaline. He does exactly what Link did, only faster and more coordinated. When he sinks back down, it's slightly closer than before, so not only are their knees pressed together, but so is the majority of their legs.

"So," Link prompts. His hands are hovering over his crotch. Rhett's trying very, very hard to maintain eye contact, it feels pretty important right now that he does, but he keeps peeking down and he doesn't know why. Maybe because he's watching the same struggle happen with Link. Link keeps looking down real quick, then blushing when he looks at Rhett, and then he does the same thing all over again.

"Count of three?" Rhett suggests.

Link ignores how hoarse Rhett sounds. Maybe because he sounds just as tight-voiced when he answers back, "'Kay." 

"'Kay," Rhett agrees.

Link's eyes drop down to Rhett's waist. And then below that. At the attention, Rhett feels this foreign swell of heat travel so swiftly inside him, and so suddenly, he grows a little hard at it. Instantly, his mouth dries out.

"Right," Link's saying. "One. Two." He locks eyes with Rhett. A very heavy moment passes. And then he blurts, "Three," and Rhett's pulling his dick out of his boxers at the same time Link is, and they're both checking to make sure the other one's doing it too, that no one's chumping out, and Rhett laughs lowly and short-lived, the sound of it swallowed in the space around them almost as soon as it's out, that's how fast the mood changes.

"Gosh," is the first thing either of them says -- Link. His chest is rising pretty fast, like stupidly so, and Rhett worries that he's having a heart attack or something, but then in typical Link fashion he lets out a laugh that's borderline hysterical. "Holy _crap_."

All things considered, Link's got a nice-looking dick. Five minutes ago, Rhett would've laid down good money guaranteeing that's a thought he would've never had, but here we are. He's looking at Link's dick, at least the part of it he can see because Link's got his hand around it to maintain -- modesty, maybe, or their heterosexuality -- and it's not awful to look at. Like, at all.

"You gonna say something?" Link says, and Rhett can feel his face heating up. He's just been staring. Smooth. "Like, I don't know. Congratulations?"

Link is bigger. Not thicker -- Rhett looks down at his own junk and notes that his fist wrapped around his dick is a lot looser to accommodate the size than Link's, who's got a pretty tight grip -- but definitely Link's is longer by at least two inches. Who would've thought.

"Rhett?"

"It's a tie," rushes out of him. He meets Link's skeptical gaze, and clarifies, "Mine's bigger, that's gotta count for something."

"Mine's bigger," Link argues. "I mean, look--" He twists his hand so more of his dick comes into view; it's half-hard now, and _long_. Rhett blushes furiously.

With Tim and then Gregg, this had all felt pretty dang clinical. Probably because they were all drunk and the alcohol had slowed his blood way down. At no time did he see Tim or Gregg's bare penis and think, that's a nice-looking dick. He's already had that thought about Link, but now he can feel his tongue involuntarily come out and wet his lips. It's so inappropriate.

Then Link goes and breaks Rhett's brain completely -- thoughtlessly, going on autopilot, Link reaches out, his fingers held apart like he's using them as a means of measurement, and accidentally he swipes Rhett. His knuckles, mostly, but the edge of Link's hand catches the tip of Rhett's dick and he can't help himself, a guttural sound comes out.

Link pauses, eyes very wide, and Rhett regains control of his vocal chords long enough to swallow audibly.

"Um," Link says. 

Rhett rocks forward and kisses him.

Several other things happen that same moment -- Rhett lets go of himself, first of all, because he may have checked out mentally but he knows enough not to be a pervy weirdo; right before Rhett's mouth touches Link's, Link breathes out a surprised exhale that Rhett swallows down; Link kisses him back.

Link's hands immediately wrap around the sides of Rhett's head, holding him in place, and Rhett groans from the feel of it, bracing one hand against the back cushion of the couch and the other on Link's exposed knee. Bravely, he moves his hand up higher, his fingers just touching the inside of Link's thigh. Link responds by reaching down and wrapping his hand around Rhett's dick. So yeah, Rhett goes from zero to fully revved real fucking fast.

Rhett breaks the kiss but stays where he is. "Yeah," he babbles, biting his lower lip into his mouth, squeezing his eyes shut, "yeah, oh god. Mmm."

"Feels good?" Link murmurs. He sounds so husky. He's so close, his face right in front of Rhett's, near enough that his words hit Rhett as warm tufts of air. Close enough sweat is already staring to bead at both their foreheads. Link regrips; he angles his arm so he's got a new, tighter hold on Rhett, his elbow jerking again and again into Rhett's arm from the obscene up-down motion. "You like that?"

Rhett shows him how much he likes it by sliding his hand the rest of the way up Link's thigh, all the way up until he's got his own solid hold on Link's dick. It's so warm right away and a little wet and when he realizes that's because Link's hard enough he's spilling precome, his own dick spurts out some in solidarity. Link immediately rolls his thumb over the head of Rhett's dick, wets his fingers on the precome, and smears that stickiness all down the length of him.

Rhett's losing his freaking mind here. All he can think about is how awesome it feels to have Link jerk him off like this, and for him to be jerking Link off too, and anytime his mind tries to connect 'lifelong best friend' with 'who you're giving a hand job to' it goes black like a power outage, Tom Brokaw voiceovering a 'WHO FUCKING CARES, THIS IS AWESOME!'

They're both so hard, and that would be embarrassing around anyone else because it's literally been two minutes of impatient fumbling, they should definitely be more chill than this, where the fuck is their stamina, but it's Link so he doesn't really mind how bad he knows he's begging for it. Definitely doesn't mind how bad Link's begging back for it, starting to lift his hips up so he can actually fuck into the circle of Rhett's fist.

Link's free hand slides around to the back of Rhett's neck and squeezes. Rhett chokes off a groan.

"Link," he says. "Fuuuuh--ck." The curse turns into a kiss. His hips are moving off the couch too, less so because he's too turned on to do more than just let Link do whatever he wants to him.

"You gonna--" Link doesn't finish. There's a red flush high up on his cheeks. Exertion, exhilaration. And he's way too uptight to put a name to what they're doing.

"Come all over you? Yeah. You want me to, Link?"

Link kisses him again, messy and open-mouthed, and mostly missing. They pull apart and his grip on Rhett's neck gets more firm, pointedly so. He tips Rhett's head back. Rhett swallows, and Link says, "Say I'm bigger."

"I'm bigg--"

Link tugs again, harder. "Congratulate me."

"What for, losing?"

Link's hips have nearly stilled. He lets go of Rhett's dick -- Rhett straight up whines at the loss -- and instead fits his smaller hand over the hand Rhett has on Link's dick. He holds on hard and speeds Rhett up. Starts shallowly thrusting again.

"Say it."

Rhett can't help it -- he looks down, watches Link fucking up into their combined fist. In his peripheral, Link's Adam's apple bounces like a freaking buoy.

"Say it," Link says again.

Rhett breaks the hold and falls forward in a clumsy, awkward rush, limbs splaying like some sort of insect, just so he can put Link's dick in his mouth.

Not very much of it, admittedly, because his mouth is freakishly small and the angle he's coming down on him is hell on his back, but enough that it's _enough_. As soon as he's suctioned his lips around the head of Link's dick, the second that happens, Link goes shock still, jerks forward, and comes. In Rhett's mouth. The taste of it has him pulling off pretty quickly, so fast actually he's able to watch as Link finishes coming, spilling over both of their hands, easily becoming the hottest thing Rhett's ever seen.

A few perfunctory tugs later, Link's grip over his goes slack, and Rhett uses that as his cue to let go too. He spreads out his fingers while he pulls away, feeling the tackiness of Link's come.

Link reaches out and grabs Rhett's dick again, wiping his come off on Rhett like it's freaking lube -- like Rhett's penis will do in place of a towel -- using it to slickly glide his hand up and down until Rhett's breath is quickening and that curl that started so long ago in his gut has made its way down to the tips of his toes.

"I'm close," he warns Link after a few minutes. He's holding onto Link's wrist, feeling the muscles flex beneath his fingers.

"Want me to--" Again, Link trails off, but the way he dips his head paints a clear enough picture. Very vividly, Rhett imagines Link sucking him off. He nearly blows his load right then and there.

He licks his lips. Tells Link, "Yeah."

Link hesitates right before, but then he goes to freaking town. He swallows Rhett so fast and so far, he chokes, has to pull back and catch his breath, and Rhett's concerned about that, he swears he is, but he also just felt what it was like to have his dick inside Link's whole mouth, so right now he's concentrating more on not passing out.

Swallowing him down again, this time Link keeps his hand wrapped around the base of Rhett's dick almost as a guardrail to not go any further. His head's angled in a way that hides all the action -- Rhett can see the back of Link's head, the crazy mess of his hair, that's it, but even just the sight of that up-and-down bob is doing it for him.

When Link pulls off again, it's not all the way. Just to the tip. Just so that he can tongue the slit, curiously at first and then eager.

Rhett has enough time to push at Link's shoulder in warning before his orgasm hits. Instead of stopping, Link sucks hard and swallows, and Rhett would swear on his life he spends the next ninety second unconscious.

As soon as Link lets up -- he sits up, wiping his mouth, and Rhett doesn't know if it's drool he's wiping away or his come, but honestly, the idea of either sends a jolt of arousal right back through him -- after that Rhett slumps to the couch cushion behind them, going limp, and Link follows a moment later.

Reaching out, Rhett pats Link on his leg, jostling it. It's a lazy, heavy thing meant to convey their best friends forevership, but he lingers, and it's just as easy to let his hand rest there instead of pulling away. 

Link lets out a long, deep, satisfied breath that sounds like it might be a gateway exhale into a yawn.

"Alright," Rhett blurts. "You win."

Link rouses enough to start to gloat --

"You win length," Rhett clarifies.

"I'm sensing an addendum."

"But I win breadth."

Link snorts. "Only 'cause my underwear's down around my knees, I'm not gonna argue. I got standards."

But the fond look he gives Rhett right after means he's fussing just to fuss, and this title is a title they will share together, equal victors in the penis size-off, something to gloat about years down the road.

"I'm writing it on the board," Link says after a moment.

"'Kay."

Link's head lolls Rhett's way. He smiles -- slow, lazy.

"Wanna do that again?"

//

End.


End file.
